This week has sent so many emotions running through me showing me my imperfections and my ugly struggles. I have seen my fear, my struggle with lack of control, my frustration because I want to be in 4 places at once, my inability to let the little things go (like one week/one day of the year), I could go on and on...BUT I have also seen my sweet family and friends come through again and I have seen how so many people spend the holidays in a way and a place thankfully foreign to me.
I am sitting here thinking of ways to welcome Christmas and teach the babies about the meaning behind it all... and ways to really soak up December. Yes, I actually started a list of all we can do together when we get home. But in the back of my mind there is such a sad and ugly truth as I look around. Many of the rooms around us are occupied with children. Thats it, just the child. They are here alone in the hospital...thats unthinkable to most of us. I also recognize some of the same patients we saw here back in February and March, again I can't even let myself think about what that is like...sitting here for 6 days will do a number on you, so months and months with no certain end in sight, I can't really even grasp that feeling.
When I start to get down or sad about not seeing Tink on Thanksgiving, or being in a hospital with my baby who is still sick, if I just glance out our window into the dark rooms to my right, our blessings are absolutely clear. Clay and I have asked if we could go see some of these babies who are here on their own, but its not allowed... I am sorry this feels like a gloomy post, its really not intended to be...love on your loved ones, and give thanks for ALL of our blessings... I am thankful to be able to be here even if its the third time in 2011, I am thankful for the confidence in the care my babies receive here, thankful for the nurses who love on my baby, thankful that Clays mom sounds/or at least says she's on the mend, thankful that my parents have tink and I know she is perfectly happy, even though I think they may want to keep her, thankful that my mom slept on the couch with one scared Daisy-hound 2 nights in a row because it was storming, these are all such blessings to Clay and me.
Clay sent me this yesterday and I heard it on the radio later, I realize it is a popular verse for Thanksgiving, but it really spoke to me this Thanksgiving in particular.
4Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. 5Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
|Yep he's a Dr. now he has it all down...|