looking at my heart...

I am overwhelmed with the strength, the opportunities, the support, and the grace we have been given.  Over the past few years we have had so much information to process, to pray about, to turn over to Him, its unbelievable.  The truth is, in our house we are continuously learning that our God is bigger than anything we can imagine.  The sad thing is that when He does show us His awesome sovereignty through miracles and answered prayer, we continue to be amazed, stunned even that He would be so good to us.  

Clay and I were talking about how humbled we have been by the past week and how sometimes it seems like the weaker we feel, the less we can accomplish on our own,it's then that He has the perfect platform for His glory to shine.  I feel like there is a glow in our hearts right now, one fueled by gratitude and understanding that the gifts we have received are all at the hand of a mighty God who loves us in such a tender way...it all seems like a huge juxtaposition.  Our friends and family continue to march through our journeys with us, we can't imagine anything without them, their prayer, their texts, their support.  A simple thank you does not begin to express the gratitude in our hearts.

By the way it was a very special CC's birthday...it was so good to be with her and NOT in the hospital this year! I hope she felt special, I hope she felt how glad we all are for the gift God has given us.  I am so grateful For eyes to see my mom, to love her, to let her really know me and what is on my heart, to lean on her and to respect her and delight in our relationship. Little things like the way people always mention her smile when she comes to mind, I could never explain that to her. 
I am so blessed that I get to see glimpses of it everyday in Murphy, the way things have to be placed just so, no drawers left opened and nothing out of place in his space, and in  Tink...when she throws her head back and laughs, with her PINK hair bow permanently fixed in her hair, when she asks for chocolate with a just a little pink ice-cream (when I am totally vanilla)...thats all my mom showing up in my little tinky.  

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever. 

Psalm 136:1

I'll post tomorrow...

At least thats what I have been saying and putting on my daily "to do" lists for about a month.  It's not that there hasn't been anything to say.  And it's not that our house hasn't been operating in our typical whirlwind fashion, stopping to acknowledge, "ok, God we trust you and we know you have us."
Its just, well they are growing up faster, they are going to do more and more things, and well it's harder and harder to justify sitting on the computer while they play.  Don't get me wrong I still have to fold laundry and paint (sometimes) when they are with me, but if I could pick one of the many things I learned over the holidays it was that time with them is a very precious gift.
The sound of their sweet voices will change with time. Their dependence on me will diminish more and more.  Even their sweet little pajamas are becoming more like "big boys and girls."  So while it might seem insane to watch my babies do 540 puzzles a day, its a gift to watch them work together and to see their brother/sister bond transform before my eyes.  Lately, they love each other.  They have always "loved" each other, but now its, "hug and a kiss before night night please", or each of their teachers telling me "they run across the gym hug, then plop down on the floor for a good old game of ball."
Its funny though how God gets me ready for some of these changes.  Just when I start to focus on "how sad I would be if they didn't get to see each other at school" or how "worried I am about where everyone will be next year", God hears my inner struggle knows that its starting to take on too much weight in my mind and heart...it seems like its then that He puts something far more pressing in front of me and turns my self imposed stress into reliance on Him and gratitude.
I am grateful for Beauty and the Beast, that Murphy loves the Beast (even though Daddy is the beast and Murphy is Gaston), I am thankful that Madden knows every word and that I have now seen it 1254 times.  I am grateful for lipstick.  There are 134,672 different "lips" at our house, but they are her weakness and for now give me a glimpse of the prettiest smile on the planet.   I am grateful for puzzles (and the dollar tree who sells them)  we got 23,419 for Christmas, and somehow we all enjoy new ones.  I am thankful for friends and family who pray for us and with us every single day.  I am thankful for the scriptures people have sent us, and for Kellee's suggestion, to memorize them (no I haven't done this with many, but I have been able to remember some and claim them for our babies).
I am filled with gratitude for the network of people in our lives, this is one of the ways God has shown me his fingerprint on every detail of this family.  Its amazing, how connected we all are, and how he weaves our lives together for good, just when you don't know where to turn.